we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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