He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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