my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
