peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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