Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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