he thought i was a dude.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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