Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
