I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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