I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
