i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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