i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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