just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I party with great urgency now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
