he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
