Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
