I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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