smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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