i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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