just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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