he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
