I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
