Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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