Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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