chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
