Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
