So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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