I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
