I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
