he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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