That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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