The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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