Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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