i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
