So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
