I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
