I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You dont lie about slip and slides
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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