Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
