DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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