She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
