i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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