that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
