In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
