she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
