i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
