I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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