All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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