jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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