Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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