i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
