I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
