I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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