it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
