dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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