Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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