Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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