My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
