i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
