So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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