Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
